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| CALLED TO CARRY ONE ANOTHER’S BURDENS
BY KRIS JACOB
One of the things that has really hit home for me during my time serving with the Diaconate has been the importance of carrying one another’s burdens. Galatians 6:2, which says that we are fulfilling the law of Christ in doing so, reinforces how seriously we are to take this edict. My experience has taught me that in order to be able to carry another’s burdens, I have to be rooted in the Word, able to really understand the other person’s context, and then be able to allow others to speak into my life as willingly as I extend support to another. I am now very keenly aware that my best intentions and best efforts will not cause others to make meaningful changes unless their hearts have been transformed. That is why it’s so important to continually be brought back to the fact that only God is able to change people’s hearts, but that he may use us as the instrument to effect that change. Without God, I feel frustrated that my efforts only translate into temporary fixes and I am anxious, feeling as though responsibility for improving the situation falls squarely on my shoulders. With God, I am at peace in the knowledge that God gives us guidelines for how to serve and if we are faithful to them and him, he will use our efforts toward the restoration of lives (even when that is not immediately apparent). Before I can shoulder someone’s burden, I also have to discern what it is they’re carrying. Financial concerns, strong emotions, and frayed relationships often point to a deeper issue. Something I’ve found to be tremendously effective while serving with the Diaconate has been rather simple: Give someone an outlet to be heard. So often, people I’ve served as a deacon have shared that what they’ve most appreciated about my Diaconate partner and me—as a team working with someone who has approached the Diaconate for assistance—is just providing a safe space for them to share. I think it runs counter to the mindset so many of us New Yorkers possess, where we want to analyze the problem, determine an end goal, and then come up with actionable (and measurable) next steps that can be implemented. While not necessarily a bad framework, people are not projects to be managed. I have found that it takes some investing in getting to know an individual—their beliefs and goals, hopes and dreams, values and desires—before I can figure out how to help carry their burden. And if I am successful in doing that, I’ve found it’s amazing how empowering that space can be to give the individual the room to figure out for themselves what they need to do next. This is not an easy task, but we have a model to look to: God who came to live amongst us, who understands our weaknesses and every one of our struggles. Finally, when requesting the privilege of being able to speak into the lives of others, I constantly remind myself that no real relationship is a one-way channel. Something that I’ve tried to put into practice based on the advice of more seasoned deacons and deaconesses is to not just pray for someone who asks for prayer. Rather, pray with someone who requests it. While it’s not appropriate in a Diaconate context for me to shift the focus to me, I do try to be open and vulnerable about challenges in my own life because I’m not someone who has it all together. I’m a broken person serving another broken person purely by the grace of God. As such, I seek out and maintain a core group of relationships (my wife, my fellowship group, and the Diaconate staff and members) who lovingly speak the truth into my life, enabling me to walk and not grow weary, helping to carry my burdens as I seek also to carry the burdens of others. | | |
| after four final exams next week, i will officially be done with my first year of business school. reflecting on my time thus far and the beginning of saying my goodbyes has left me with a sad, sinking feeling that time has flown by and that i haven't truly made the most of every opportunity.
the second years are leaving, to be replaced by a class of 850+ new students.. i will really miss them, and the knowledge that i've only scratched the surface of those new friendships leaves me wanting more.
as for my fellow first year friends, i can say that i've superficially come away with 400+ new facebook friends, but really only 2 (what could be lifelong) girlfriends that i can honestly share my innermost thoughts and feelings with, to feel free to be myself, to call up when i need someone to talk to, and reciprocally, people that i would drop everything for. i guess it's natural to have to have breadth before you have depth, but it does leave me wondering... is this what business school is really all about? coming away with a huge network of people you know semi-decently / professionally? as they say, "it's only two years."
for me, it isn't. life has always, and will always be about building meaningful relationships. sometimes, that purpose gets lost in the busyness of classes, part-time jobs, extracurricular activities, "stretch" experiences, the ever elusive search for vocational calling, and the list goes on.
but instead of letting myself wallow in remorse for time gone by, i'm resolved to see the glass as half full. the sadness only comes as the flipside to the blessings God has so richly given to me at Wharton. a sweet foretaste of what friendship could be is not something to be mourned, but something to thank God for, and to treasure. next year, i resolve to get as many one-on-one meals with people as i can -- to understand what makes people tick, to listen to and serve others' needs, to broaden my horizons in the diversity of others' life experiences. if you see me getting caught up in busyness, please, kindly remind me of what really matters.
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Phil l: 3-11 [passage for WCF sendoff]
3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. 8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
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| Commencement Speech by Charles Wheelan
Class of 2012, I became sick of commencement speeches at about your age. My first job out of college was writing speeches for the governor of Maine. Every spring, I would offer extraordinary tidbits of wisdom to 22-year-olds—which was quite a feat given that I was 23 at the time. In the decades since, I've spent most of my career teaching economics and public policy. In particular, I've studied happiness and well-being, about which we now know a great deal. And I've found that the saccharine and over-optimistic words of the typical commencement address hold few of the lessons young people really need to hear about what lies ahead. Here, then, is what I wish someone had told the Class of 1988: 1. Your time in fraternity basements was well spent. The same goes for the time you spent playing intramural sports, working on the school newspaper or just hanging with friends. Research tells us that one of the most important causal factors associated with happiness and well-being is your meaningful connections with other human beings. Look around today. Certainly one benchmark of your postgraduation success should be how many of these people are still your close friends in 10 or 20 years. 2. Some of your worst days lie ahead. Graduation is a happy day. But my job is to tell you that if you are going to do anything worthwhile, you will face periods of grinding self-doubt and failure. Be prepared to work through them. I'll spare you my personal details, other than to say that one year after college graduation I had no job, less than $500 in assets, and I was living with an elderly retired couple. The only difference between when I graduated and today is that now no one can afford to retire. 3. Don't make the world worse. I know that I'm supposed to tell you to aspire to great things. But I'm going to lower the bar here: Just don't use your prodigious talents to mess things up. Too many smart people are doing that already. And if you really want to cause social mayhem, it helps to have an Ivy League degree. You are smart and motivated and creative. Everyone will tell you that you can change the world. They are right, but remember that "changing the world" also can include things like skirting financial regulations and selling unhealthy foods to increasingly obese children. I am not asking you to cure cancer. I am just asking you not to spread it. 4. Marry someone smarter than you are. When I was getting a Ph.D., my wife Leah had a steady income. When she wanted to start a software company, I had a job with health benefits. (To clarify, having a "spouse with benefits" is different from having a "friend with benefits.") You will do better in life if you have a second economic oar in the water. I also want to alert you to the fact that commencement is like shooting smart fish in a barrel. The Phi Beta Kappa members will have pink-and-blue ribbons on their gowns. The summa cum laude graduates have their names printed in the program. Seize the opportunity! 5. Help stop the Little League arms race. Kids' sports are becoming ridiculously structured and competitive. What happened to playing baseball because it's fun? We are systematically creating races out of things that ought to be a journey. We know that success isn't about simply running faster than everyone else in some predetermined direction. Yet the message we are sending from birth is that if you don't make the traveling soccer team or get into the "right" school, then you will somehow finish life with fewer points than everyone else. That's not right. You'll never read the following obituary: "Bob Smith died yesterday at the age of 74. He finished life in 186th place." 6. Read obituaries. They are just like biographies, only shorter. They remind us that interesting, successful people rarely lead orderly, linear lives. 7. Your parents don't want what is best for you. They want what is good for you, which isn't always the same thing. There is a natural instinct to protect our children from risk and discomfort, and therefore to urge safe choices. Theodore Roosevelt—soldier, explorer, president—once remarked, "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." Great quote, but I am willing to bet that Teddy's mother wanted him to be a doctor or a lawyer. 8. Don't model your life after a circus animal. Performing animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts or small fish for doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be a friend, a parent, a coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your job will you be explicitly evaluated and rewarded for your performance. Don't let your life decisions be distorted by the fact that your boss is the only one tossing you peanuts. If you leave a work task undone in order to meet a friend for dinner, then you are "shirking" your work. But it's also true that if you cancel dinner to finish your work, then you are shirking your friendship. That's just not how we usually think of it. 9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year? And the important corollary: Does this path lead to a life I will be happy with and proud of in 10 or 20 years if I don't get hit by a bus. 10. Don't try to be great. Being great involves luck and other circumstances beyond your control. The less you think about being great, the more likely it is to happen. And if it doesn't, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being solid. Good luck and congratulations.
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| Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder. Maybe it's the last push before spring break. Maybe it's coming into this semester wanting to really invest more in relationships and get to know my classmates more, but feeling frustrated / defeated that my time keeps getting pulled away. Signed up for a part-time job at HUP that requires 10-20 hours of week of work, which doesn't leave enough time to do the things that are important to me - spending regular quality time with God and friends. Frustrated at myself for continuously making less than ideal choices. For not knowing how to prioritize. For making commitments that I can't get out of, and for allocating my time in a way that doesn't jive with my values.
So much complaining this week :(
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
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| Beautiful nuggets of wisdom from an article a few years ago (http://www.intervarsity.org/studentsoul/item/jeremy-lin)
I’ve learned how to be open and bold about my faith, but in terms of my influence, I just try to lead in a godly way. What that means for me is to serve them, whether it’s just doing the dirty work, like cleaning up sweat on the floor, or deferring to other people, or carrying equipment bags. In basketball these days, the rookies and freshmen are supposed to do the grunt work, and seniors relax and hang out, but when you reverse that, or when seniors help out with some of that, it shows that you’re trying to serve them, and that’s a good way to lead. Also, the way you talk to your teammates and push them and the way you treat them is important. There is a fine line between trying to help your teammates and criticizing them. The toughest part for me is how to keep my teammates accountable but at the same time do it in a loving way that doesn’t judge or condemn them. It’s definitely been a struggle and I’m trying to learn how to lead consciously in a way that honors God. Yes, every day in practice I have to lead by example. But at the same time, when people aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing, you’re responsible as a player. You can’t rely on the coaches to say everything. The players have to be responsible and take ownership of the team. Every day in practice there are situations where you need to say something and get a message across, but do it in the right way.
Athletically, my team wasn’t good my first three years here, and that’s always hard because everyone wants to win. Over the years I’ve learned that just because you follow God, it doesn’t mean you win every game or get what you want athletically. There is a godly way to play basketball and that’s what you’re responsible for doing. If you happen to get a championship, great, but if not, there is a lesson to be learned. And I’ve had to learn it because I haven’t been able to win an Ivy League championship in my four years here, and that’s something I’ve really wanted to do.
They brought me up in a Christian home and taught me what it means to be a Christian. But the thing I appreciate most about them is they don’t judge my basketball performance on how I do individually in terms of statistics. They make sure that I have the right attitude, that I don’t yell at my teammates or the refs and that I’m always under control. It’s very helpful because when they watch a game, they don’t judge my performance the way the sports world judges it. They make sure I have a godly attitude when I play and when I don’t, they call me out on it and make me accountable. That’s just so valuable because win or lose, whether you play well or not, you want to reflect God’s image, and they hold me to that. For that I’m very grateful. I’m very blessed by God!
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